Triangles Page 19

  I backed away from him. He was about to join everyone else who was cursed by knowing me. I didn’t want that to happen to him.

  “Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.” He stepped toward me, his hands reaching. “Let me in, Autumn.” He stopped walking as I backed up, and he held his hands out in surrender. Our eyes were locked on each other.

  “I need some time. Please.” I took another step backward. “I’m just starting to understand things, and I finally feel like my life’s getting better. Give me some space, Joey. That’s all I ask. I think there’s room in my life for you, but I want to be sure before I rush into anything. Understand?”

  I backed up another step as he stood frozen, probably afraid I’d bolt if he came any closer. I wanted to let him in. I really did. But could my fragile heart handle it?

  Joey would be the only one I could trust not to break it.

  I smiled and closed my eyes as I realized that, yes, I would let him in.

  “Autumn, watch out!”

  I stumbled over something on the ground behind me. He jumped to grab me, but I twisted away from him as I fell. His hands grabbed for me, but they only succeeded in pushing me further.

  I toppled over the edge of the rail.

  I scratched and clawed to grab something, anything to hold on to, but only air passed through my fingers. Finally, things were coming together and my life didn’t suck. Was the Triangle doing this to claim me, angry that I’d made it out in better shape than I was in when I entered?

  As I plummeted toward the dark water below, the last thing I heard was my own voice screaming his name.

  Nineteen

  I remembered flashing red and blue lights and voices of people both familiar and unfamiliar swirling through my head. The sensation of my body floating through the air yet being tightly restrained didn’t make sense to me. Sudden bright lights and the smell of alcohol forced my face into a contorted grimace. My cold, wet body shivered uncontrollably. I imagined this was what it must feel like to be a pickle in the fridge.

  A sharp stab in my hand introduced warm liquid that toned everything down to a dull blur. Someone wrapped me in thick, wool blankets. As I faded, the light dimmed. The comfort and warmth injected into me turned into discomfort and coolness.

  And then, darkness. Pain. Noise. Hunger. Thirst.

  The sensations were so strong, it seemed like I’d never felt them before. I couldn’t open my eyes. Then I heard Joey plead, “Autumn?”

  I still couldn’t open my eyes, but I reached out my hand. A warm, rough hand grabbed it. I smelled motor oil and gasoline and would have known who it was even without a voice attached.

  “Joey?” My voice came out all wrong. It sounded like I’d smoked a whole pack of cigarettes in five minutes.

  “Yeah, baby, it’s Joey. Are you okay? Are you in pain? I’m so sorry!” A whimper escaped from him.

  “Joey, stop asking her so many questions. Let her wake up first. The doctor said she should take it easy.” Jessica’s strained voice echoed in my other ear.

  Oh, no. Doctor? Did the cancer follow me out of the Triangle? I knew it. I was done.

  “Jessica?” I squinted one eye at her. “Do I still have cancer?”

  “No, you don’t have cancer. You fell. Remember?” She cried quietly. “Oh, Autumn! I’m so sorry! Oh God, I thought you were dead!”

  “What day is it? How long have I’ve been here?”

  “It’s Saturday, June twenty-sixth. You fell yesterday.”

  I reached for her hand, and she took mine in hers. Jessica and Joey each held one of my hands, both of them crying now.

  “It’s okay, guys,” I croaked. My throat hurt, but I didn’t know why. A salty taste on my tongue dug up a memory of falling into the deep, dark ocean.

  I heard someone come into the room. A cold hand checked my pulse. “Okay everyone, let’s let Autumn get some rest. You can come back tomorrow during visiting hours.”

  I released the hands that held mine and fell into a dreamless sleep. The doctor came in some time after it was dark, checked me out, and told me I would be just fine. Then he teased me about diving off the ship when I should have used the diving board in the pool.

  Jessica came to my room with a huge stuffed bear the minute visiting hours started the next day. Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were swollen and puffy. Dark circles sat under each eye. I knew she hadn’t slept much the night before.

  I smiled at her. She ran to my bedside and hugged me tight, tears leaking out of her eyes.

  “I’m—”

  “It’s okay, Jessica. It was an accident.” I tugged her arm so she would join me on the bed and then rubbed her back. “Joey tried to save me. The doctor came in last night and said I was going to be fine.”

  She nodded, her face still buried in my neck.

  I hugged her hard. “Thank you. For taking care of me when Mom couldn’t. And for putting up with me. I’m better now, and I’ll make it up to you.”

  “You don’t have to. I had no problem taking care of you. Did I wish you were nicer to me? Maybe.” She laughed. “But no matter what, I’m not about to risk losing you. Mom and Dad were enough for me to handle. If anything happened to you, I would lose my mind. All we have is each other.”

  I looked at her, my eyes threatening to tear up. We smiled at each other and hugged again.

  After a minute, I pushed her away. “Dad’s death and Mom’s accident have been really hard for me to accept—so hard that I’ve been pushing you away because I didn’t think I could handle it if I lost you, too. I’m sorry, Jessica.”

  “I know it’s hard. I guess we haven’t really talked about it much.”

  “I need to know something. Do you know how Dad died, and what happened to Mom?”

  She pulled away and looked at me. Concern colored her face. “Why? Do you have amnesia? Oh God, we should call the doctor—”

  I put my hand up. “Calm down. I don’t have amnesia, I just never knew more than that they were both in car accidents. I guess I was afraid to know all the details, so I shut it out.”

  She drew in a deep breath and sighed. “Dad was killed by a drunk driver. The guy crossed the middle of the road and hit him head-on.”

  Not my fault. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling. “And what about Mom? What happened to her?” I opened my eyes and stared at Jessica, trying hard to keep my face unreadable.

  “It was the truck driver’s fault. He jackknifed because he braked too hard and was going too fast.”

  “You sure it wasn’t because Mom had car trouble or something?”

  Jessica shook her head. “Mom had some car trouble that morning, so she took the car to the mechanic. She called to tell me she got it fixed. I was going to meet her for lunch on my break from work, then there was that terrible accident on Route Nine.” Tears began streaming down her face, but she pressed on. “It was really bad, but she was alive, so they brought her here. You know the rest.” She searched my face and touched my cheek. “Why are you asking these questions now?”

  I stared out the window. “You’ll think I’m nuts if I tell you.”

  She squeezed my arm. “No I won’t.”

  I took a deep breath. “Do you remember me telling you on the ship that I…um…that I saw Dad?”

  She shook her head. “Like in a dream? What happened?” She kept her hand on my arm, rubbing it like Mom used to do when I was upset.

  “Well, um, not a dream, but maybe more like a ghost or an angel…” I trailed off, still not sure how much she would believe. What if she took me to the psychiatric unit?

  “Go on, Autumn. Tell me.”

  I kept my eyes on the world outside the window. “While we were in the Bermuda Triangle, I saw Dad. I didn’t know if it was a dream or if it was real, but it affected me.” I sighed and turned to look at her.

  “I would’ve given anything to see him one more time,” she said, sounding a bit jealous.

  I nodded. “It was amazing.” Jessica focuse
d on my eyes as I spoke. “The reason I didn’t want to go back to school was because I was saving my money to get away. I look around this area, and I’m reminded every day of Mom, or Dad, or something that I did to hurt someone. I thought leaving would make everything go away, but I’m not so sure anymore. I might go back. Seeing and talking to Dad helped me through stuff.” I reached up to brush the wetness off my cheeks. “You understand, right?”

  “I do. And I’m glad. I’d hoped you would change your mind. Running away never solves anything, Autumn.”

  “I sorta noticed. Even on a cruise ship, my problems found a way to follow me.”

  I knew I only had seconds to speak before the floodgates opened. “All this time, I thought both of their accidents were because of me. I thought everything was my fault.” And that was it. I burst into tears that flowed in rivers. I cried so hard my lungs hurt, but I couldn’t stop. All the guilt over Dad, the guilt and self-hatred over Mom—it poured out of me like a dam finally giving way.

  The whole time I cried, Jessica held me. She rocked me, stroked my hair, rubbed my back. And that only made it worse. Because I’d given her hell half the time, and she’d done nothing but try to help me.

  When the tears dried up, I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

  “Jessica, so much happened to me on that ship. I went through some crazy stuff. Joey found me while we were at the port. I was sort of freaking out. Then, while he was talking to me and holding me as I cried, I just realized…”

  “That you like Joey,” she finished. “I’m so glad. Joey is such a nice guy. You could use someone like that to treat you right. See, I knew what I was doing when I pushed you guys together!” She winked at me and smiled.

  I backtracked a bit. “I never said I was happy that you pushed us together.” But when she smirked at me, I knew she knew how I felt. I tried to stop the smile spreading across my face, but it lit up without my consent. “But I do like him. I never planned on that happening.” I laughed, and she chuckled. “He seemed so needy at first, you know? Calling me, leaving things for me at work, texting me, showing up at our house…”

  “See, Autumn? People aren’t always what they seem. Now, visiting hours are over, and I’ve got your cat to go home to and feed, and then I need to get ready. Andy is taking me out for dinner tonight.”

  “Andy?”

  She grinned. “I met him on the ship. He works at the hospital across town. We hung out a few times, and he asked me for my number.”

  I recalled Marcus saying on the ship that Jessica’s husband, Andy, had died of melanoma before their baby was born. I hoped that wasn’t prophetic. “Does he have skin cancer?”

  She wrinkled her brows. “Why would you ask that?”

  I shook my head. “Never mind. Just thinking about skin cancer after all that sun on the cruise.”

  “If we get to know each other better, I’ll ask him. Now, you just rest and take it easy.”

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Thanks, Jessica. You’re the best. Kiss Sleepy for me when you get home.”

  I woke up, alone and hungry, a long time later. I wondered where Jessica had gone. I gazed up at the bear she’d brought and smiled.

  The soft tinkling of bells made me turn my head to my right. The biggest, most colorful bouquet of helium balloons I’d ever seen sat next to me on my bedside table, anchored with tiny silver bells. A card stuck out from the shiny cluster.

  I pulled it out and opened it. When I read it, it confused me. The only words on the card said, “Turn around.”

  I swung my head to the left. Joey stood next to my bed in a cruise logo T-shirt and jeans. He smiled at me and held a single balloon that said, “I’m yours.”

  I motioned for him to come sit with me. He dragged a chair over to the side of the bed and sat down, tying the balloon string to my IV pole.

  His bottom lip quivered. “I thought…when you fell…I tried to catch you…” He put his head down on the edge of my bed and covered it with his hands.

  I stroked his hair. “Joey, it was an accident. Stop blaming yourself.” If I knew anything, I knew how much of a burden false guilt was. He nodded, but kept his head down.

  I pulled his hands away from his head and held them. “By the way, thank you.”

  He sniffled. “For what?”

  “For saving my life. If you weren’t there, I’m sure I would’ve drowned.”

  He lifted his head, his eyes filled with anger. “No. If I wasn’t there, you never would’ve backed away from me and fallen. I’m so sorry.” Another tear slipped down his cheek.

  “Joey, this is not your fault, you hear me? You called for help the instant I fell and got the crew to fish me out. You were always nice to me, even when I was so mean to you. I don’t understand why you put up with me.”

  He chuckled. “I can tell you why. Your mom came in to get her car fixed at the shop. I actually think it was the day before she had that accident, or even the day it happened, now that I think of it. I fixed her car. And when I opened the door to drive it into the shop, I saw she had a picture on her passenger seat.” He smiled at the memory. “When your mom came to pick up the car, I couldn’t help but comment on the picture. She said, ‘That’s my beautiful daughter, Autumn. My girls are my life.’ Then she thanked me for fixing her car and left.”

  I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. “Then she had the accident—”

  “That day. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You walked into the shop a few weeks later, looking for a job. I told Colin he had to hire you.” He laughed. “Of course, I didn’t know you had such an attitude problem back then, but I knew about what had happened to your mom. I have a sick mom, too. I saw how hard it was for you.”

  My face burned. Here he was, a total stranger, realizing how hard my life was, and I’d never noticed how much he was going through.

  He pursed his lips. “I wanted to be friends, but I never expected to fall for you.” His cheeks reddened. “But who could blame me? You’re a beautiful girl, Autumn.”

  I pulled him to me and slipped my arms around his neck. He hesitated, then wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I whispered in his ear. “Thanks. I owe you my life.”

  He shivered.

  “Come here. Climb in here with me.” I moved over on the bed and pulled the blanket back, making room for him.

  He glanced at the door. “But what about the nurses? Won’t they kick me out?”

  “I’ll tell them to leave you the hell alone.” I smiled. “You know I will, right? Come on.”

  He lifted the covers and slid into the bed next to me. His body trembled, and I noticed his breathing increase. He always seemed nervous around me. I was nervous, too. It had been so long since I had allowed myself to feel anything for a guy. “There. Better?”

  He nodded and glanced down at me. He kissed me so gently, I trembled. When he pulled away, I gazed into his eyes.

  They reflected everything I wanted.

  Jessica came back later, dressed in her nursing scrubs.

  I sat up in bed. “Hey. Can you take me to see Mom? I have some things I want to tell her.”

  She pursed her lips. “Um, Autumn, no one really knows if a person in a coma can hear you. I mean, I believe they can, but we really don’t know. Are you sure you want to go? I don’t want you getting too upset after everything you’ve been through.”

  I nodded. “I have to talk to her. I know she’ll hear me.”

  She glanced out into the hallway. “Okay, hold on. Let me go get a wheelchair.” She left, coming back with a wheelchair a minute later. She locked the wheels and helped me ease into the seat.

  I was on a floor near the ICU, so Mom was close. We only went a short distance when Jessica turned left into the noisy unit.

  A young nurse carrying two jugs of white liquid looked at us and smiled. “Hey, Jessica, what’s up?”

  I kept my eyes on her as Jessica spoke. “I have a visitor for Isabel Taylor.” She patted the top of my h
ead. “Nadia, this is my sister, Autumn. She’s a patient here, too.”

  “Hi, Autumn. Go ahead in, girls. You can talk to her. She can hear you.”

  Jessica pushed the chair toward Mom’s room.

  I peeked around the corner as we made our way to the door. A small plastic chair sat next to the bed. Monitors with digital numbers displayed her vital signs. Occasional beeps and chirps sounded throughout the small room, just like I’d remembered. “Get Well” cards papered the walls. Faded flowers drooped by the window, and I could see Jessica’s handwriting on the little card sticking out of the center of the bouquet.

  Nothing was from me.

  “It’s okay, Autumn. All that matters is that you’re here now.” Jessica noticed how I was eyeing the flowers. “Everyone works through these things differently. Don’t worry about it.”

  She put her hand on my shoulder and wheeled me to Mom’s side. I still couldn’t look at Mom’s face with Jessica around. I looked back at her and touched her hand. “Would you mind leaving me alone with Mom? I just… I need to talk to her alone.”

  “Sure.” Jessica pushed the chair up to Mom’s bed and locked the brakes. I waited until I heard Jessica close the door, leaving me alone with our mom, before I spoke.

  I refused to look at her face. I concentrated instead on the wedding ring she still wore. She’d lost weight since the accident, so it hung loose on her finger.

  I spoke to the ring. “Can’t you get better? Please wake up. I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t steal the car to hurt you. I never meant for this to happen. I need you, Mommy.”

  I reached out to take her hand, half-afraid to touch her delicate skin.

  Then, for the first time in a half a year, I looked at her face, and really looked at her.

  Big mistake. The months of being sick and on all kinds of tubes and medicine made her look like a bloated doll. Her eyes were closed, tubes came out of her mouth and arms, and she smelled like baby powder and pee. The tears ran down my cheeks before I could stop them.