Triangles Read online

  “I just dragged my ass a good mile,” I said to Jessica as we finally approached Cabin 9666. She sighed and opened the door. Our room was bigger than most of the other rooms we’d passed. I assumed it was because, when Mom had booked it, it was supposed to be the three of us.

  I just didn’t feel right being here without her. If it weren’t for my stupid-ass stunt, she would’ve been on this ship with us. Storms churned in my stomach as an image of her in the ICU bed spread through my mind like a virus. The mental picture knocked my good mood down a few notches.

  I deserved nothing less.

  I walked in and dumped my carry-on and purse on the queen bed. The unmistakable scent of coconut made my mouth water. The room resembled a tropical resort with floral bedding, seashell-shaped pillows, beige wicker furniture, and photographs of sea life all over the walls. A television was tuned to a channel that explained what was going on, where things were, and how to get to the ample food and alcohol supply; it blathered on as we scanned our surroundings.

  My home for the next five days.

  I sat on the bed and pulled out my cell phone. Nisha must have missed me. I already had several messages and texts from her. “I get the bed. You take the pull-out couch.”

  “How come you get the bed?” Jessica paused in her survey of the room. “I’m the oldest.”

  I didn’t look up from my phone as I answered. “Because I want it. Duh.”

  She put a hand on her hip. “Well, sorry, Autumn, but that isn’t how life works. And stop fooling around with that phone—look at me when I talk to you.”

  I dropped the phone on the bed and glanced at her. “Okay, fine. I’ll give you ten bucks for it.”

  “Done.” She stuck out her hand, palm up, and waited.

  Damn, that was easier than I’d expected it to be. I didn’t think Jessica could be bought. “Um, can I owe you when I get paid? I don’t have much cash on me.”

  She waved me off. “Forget it. Take the bed. I’m sure the pull-out couch is just as comfortable.” She put her purse on the couch and started straightening the pillows. “I’m not arguing with you. Let’s have some fun on this trip, okay? I know you’re stressed out. I am, too.” She sat on the bed and hugged me. “Things will eventually work out. One way or another, they always do. You’ll see.”

  Her hug took me by surprise. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. At least, not anymore.

  When I was in elementary school, Jessica had insisted that Mom teach her how to braid my hair so she could help get me ready for school. Almost every morning until Dad died, she’d get up early and do my hair, treating me like I was one of her dolls. She even sang to me sometimes. But after Dad died, Mom had a hard time adjusting, and Jessica had to coax her to go to work, cook, and clean.

  In helping Mom through her grief, they got closer, and I became just another Barbie doll in Jessica’s graveyard of outgrown toys.

  The hug brought tears to my eyes. Maybe because I’d been missing Mom. And Dad.

  I sniffed the tears back. “Sorry, Jessica. It’s just… I don’t know. I have so many issues right now I could give one to each person on this humongous ship and still have some left, you know? Sometimes I miss Mom and Dad so much it hurts. Other times, I’m so mad at them for abandoning me, but then I feel guilty for thinking that way.”

  She rubbed my arm. “I know, Autumn. I know. Me too.”

  “They were so good together. And the way Mom never dated again after he died, does that kind of love really exist? Because I never see it anymore.” If it did exist, I wanted it, but at the same time, having my heart and happiness wrapped up in someone else did not seem like such a great idea. The pain that followed when things didn’t work out was just too much to handle.

  Jessica gave my shoulders a squeeze. “It’s out there. We just have to find it. And we still have each other no matter what, right?”

  I laughed and cringed away from her. She wouldn’t say that if she knew what I’d done to the car the day before Mom’s wreck. Only Nisha and one other girl from school knew.

  My boyfriend at the time, Trystan, wanted to see me at the park in the middle of the night. So I snuck out and used Mom’s car because I didn’t have my own. I also didn’t have a license. I picked up Nisha so she could act as my lookout, but on the way to the park, we got stuck in a giant pothole in front of a classmate’s house—a girl I couldn’t stand named Olivia. After a lot of pushing and rocking the car while Nisha gunned the gas, we freed the car. But it drove like it had square wheels, so we aborted Operation Screw Around and snuck the junker back into its parking space. Since it was driving better by the time I got home, I didn’t think the damage was that bad.

  But the next day, Mom had the accident that landed her in a coma.

  In the car that I’d screwed up.

  I tried to disguise my guilt by making a joke of Jessica’s comment. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  She smacked my arm and got up.

  I rubbed my arm and yelped. “Ow! I’m telling Mom!” I spoke the words before I thought to shut up. “Sorry.”

  Jessica shook her head. “Forget it.” She handed me a flyer from the countertop. “This lists the daily activities and times for everything. They have bars—but I had better not catch you in any of them—dance clubs, a spa, a casino, three pools, a skating rink, a rock climbing wall, and all kinds of demonstrations…but hey, don’t charge anything to the room without asking me, okay? I have to keep this tight. Our dinner is the late seating, but you can eat at the buffet anytime without dressing up, and you can get room service, too. That’s free. Oh, and our room number and dinner table number are printed right on your cabin keycard.” She jumped off the bed and walked toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” Mild panic touched my voice. After all it took to get to our room, I feared I would be lost forever without her as a guide. I imagined myself wandering down hall after hall for the rest of the trip, knocking on doors and hoping to find Jessica. “I’ll never find my way back if you leave me now.”

  She put her hand on her hip and rolled her eyes. “Relax. I’m going to the bathroom to put on my bathing suit.”

  She vanished into the microscopic bathroom and shut the door.

  My smile faded as I looked at our room number printed on my keycard. 9666. Ugh, I hated those triple sixes. Nisha had once told me that was the number of the Devil.

  Why did it have to be my room number?

  I glanced out the round window behind my bed. People were all over the dock, smiling, yanking on luggage, and talking on cell phones. No one looked the way I felt. None of their faces betrayed hidden secrets.

  I wondered how many of them had almost killed their mothers. Probably none.

  I sat there, frowning at the crowd and listening to Jessica sing in the bathroom. Would my life ever get better? Mom had to wake up. I had to talk to her and get over this guilt before it killed me. If she didn’t, I’d never get past it. It would burn in me like a candle with an endless wick.

  Jessica emerged from the bathroom looking like a fashion model in her floral bikini with dark sunglasses holding back her hair. A towel hung over her arm. “Coming?”

  I shrugged. “Will you wait for me? I was going to unpack first, but if you leave and I get lost, what should I do? This ship is huge.”

  She sighed. “Autumn, we’re still in port. Call me on my cell or ask anyone who works here how to get back to our room. Someone will help you. Okay?”

  I looked at the floor. “Fine. Go ahead if you’re in such a rush. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll be on the pool deck, checking things out. Just take any elevator to the highest level and you’ll see everything. See ya!”

  After she left, I unpacked. The ample closet and drawer space in the small cabin held all of my clothes and toiletries with space left for Jessica’s stuff. When I was done, I decided to tour the ship, knowing I could reach Jessica if I freaked out for some reason. I considered looking for M
arcus to show me around, but I didn’t want him hounding me like Joey did if I showed interest. I left the room with my keycard in my pocket and took the elevators to the top level. When the doors opened, I stepped onto a walkway that overlooked the entire ship. I could see the pools and bars below me. “Chaos” was the word that came to mind.

  A steel drum band, dressed in Bermuda shorts and colorful Hawaiian shirts, belted out tropical music. Bright sunlight forced me to shield my eyes from the glare off the water. Kids ran around the wave pool, screaming and laughing—noisy reminders to avoid it like the plague. Giant grills cooked up hot dogs and hamburgers. Couples relaxed in a hot tub, resembling lobsters in a boiling pot. A lot of people held books or e-readers in their sweaty hands as they lounged in deck chairs. The lack of sand was the only clue that I wasn’t on the beach back home.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The sounds and smells of summer took me back to the time Jessica had to go the emergency room for something in her ear. I was about four, and Dad took me to the shore to walk along the Atlantic Ocean and look for shells while Mom was in the emergency room with her. He sat me on his lap, covered my eyes with salty hands, and laughed in my ear as the cool ocean water washed over our legs. Each retreat of the foamy wave took with it my concern over Jessica. And over getting in trouble. Because no one knew that I was the one who had stuffed the pink Barbie shoe in her ear while she slept. I hadn’t planned on hurting her. I just wondered if it would fit.

  I smiled at the memory and hoped the Caribbean Sea would do the same thing for my anxiety this time. The only problem was my issues now were much bigger than doll shoes.

  My eyes found Jessica, sitting on a lounge chair. She giggled as a guy wearing a navy baseball hat made grand gestures with his hands. The guy stuffed his hands in his pockets and suddenly looked very familiar. In fact, he looked like someone I knew I did not want to see.

  Jessica saw me on the walkway and waved. The guy turned, took off his hat, and smiled at me.

  All these people on this gigantic ship, and Joey finds Jessica the minute we board? Ugh.

  And damn if Joey didn’t look great in a pair of jeans shorts and a Yankees jersey. I would have considered hanging out with him, but I knew encouraging him would only make things worse. He would go from hoping to expecting with the first green light I gave.

  “I should just plunge myself over the side right now.” I marched past countless lounge chairs filled with vacationers. I’d never realized how many different shapes and sizes and colors people came in. Short, fat, tall, thin, black, white, brown, young and old—if the shape existed, it sat in a chair somewhere along my path.

  I trudged to the stairs and groaned as I made my way toward Jessica and Joey.

  “Hi, Autumn!” Joey practically yelled when I was ten feet away. “Pretty great to know someone on the ship, isn’t it? Maybe we can hang out if you aren’t busy.” His smile carried too much hope with it.

  Hope I was about to crush.

  “Joey? We just got here. Jessica and I planned on a nice, quiet vacation together. Aren’t you here with your family or something?” I crossed my arms. “I mean, I don’t want to take you away from your family time or anything.” I didn’t want to be mean, but I didn’t need him hanging all over me from day one.

  He played with a loose string on his shirt. “Well, my grandparents on my mom’s side surprised me with this trip to give me a break. They set it all up with Colin at work. I—”

  “Great. Well, you guys have fun. I’m gonna go check out the spa.” I turned to go somewhere, anywhere else.

  “Autumn, stay and hang out with us,” Jessica said. “We can explore the ship later.”

  I stopped in my tracks and glared at her. Couldn’t she see my need to escape? “I only agreed to come on this trip to get away from it all. It seems that it all followed me here. I need some air.” I stalked off the pool deck and ducked inside the first set of doors I could find. Why did he have to be here? I was so being punished for my life choices.

  Once I calmed my racing heart, I reviewed a map of the ship. I located the best places to avoid Joey for the duration of the cruise—the library, the art gallery, and the kitchen where they held cooking classes. He didn’t read much, didn’t care for art, and certainly didn’t cook. I made my way to the small library and browsed the young adult titles displayed on the wooden shelves. It was crowded for such a little room and surprisingly well stocked. I wanted to stake a claim on the good ones before we departed. Buying lots of books was a luxury I just couldn’t afford, since I needed to save every penny for my escape from Jersey. A few comfy armchairs were arranged in a square around a table full of magazines in the center of the room. I picked up a few books, signed them out, and then headed back to the cabin.

  A shrill alarm rang throughout the ship as soon as I got there. I clutched my pillow to my chest and ran to the window. Jessica sauntered in a second later, laughing at my stance.

  “Relax, Autumn. I went through this on my graduation cruise a few years back. It’s just a life vest drill. Listen to the announcement.” She pointed to the speaker in the ceiling.

  I strained to hear over the alarm as the friendly woman’s words instructed us to grab the ugly orange life vests from our closets and head to the upper decks for the drill. We had to wait till all the passengers were lined up like matches in a matchbox before they inspected us, so the drill took half an hour. Of course, Joey ended up standing behind me. As the line grew, he was squashed into me, but he made sure to keep his hands to himself. I scooted forward to avoid any accidental contact, and ran out of there the minute the drill ended.

  I headed to the front of the ship for the departure, avoiding the pool deck and any people who might be hanging out there waiting to annoy me. The sun hung low in the June sky, warming my face with its yellow-orange rays. Seagulls flew overhead, seeking treats dropped by careless passengers. If I hadn’t noticed the buildings moving past me, I never would have realized we were in motion. The smoothness of the ship on the choppy water amazed me. How could people get seasick when the ship was so stable?

  My hair whipped around my face as we gained speed. I closed my eyes and relished the salty wind on my warm cheeks. A memory of driving with my dad with the windows down flooded my mind. We’d played games in the car for the whole ride that day, looking for license plates from every state and making up silly words out of those plates. When we’d parked, Dad had teased me for the rat’s nest my long hair had become. It had been a great day.

  I hadn’t had a day like that in ages. I missed him so much it physically hurt to think about him. My chest burned and squeezed the breath right out of me, leaving me a breathless pile of misery.

  “Are you all right, honey?”

  I opened my eyes. An attractive young woman with red hair and brilliant green eyes was looking at me. What I thought was salt water from the ocean must have been tears because my face was the only one nearby that was wet. I glanced at her concerned expression and smiled. “Yes, thank you. I’m fine.” I swiped away a tear with my finger. “Just…everything’s fine.”

  She stepped closer and lowered her voice. “This cruise will change your life. Nothing will be the same when it’s over, but it will be worth it. You’ll see.” Her emerald eyes twinkled, and she nodded her head once.

  I forced a laugh to be polite. “Thanks. Enjoy your cruise.”

  What a weirdo. What did that even mean? How could a cruise change my life? I moved from my spot to avoid more weirdness from her and found a less populated area at the back of the ship. New York and New Jersey disappeared behind us as we charged toward Bermuda and away from the mess my life had become.

  A cloud covered the retreating sun, sending shivers through me. A white-haired lady dropped her purse and lots of change tumbled out. A penny hit my foot and landed on tails.

  My cell phone buzzed. I pulled it from my pocket. I had thirteen messages and thirteen texts. How would Nisha survive the next five days without
hearing from me? I took care of the messages and told her I’d call her when we got back to Jersey.

  Even though I was not very superstitious, a bad feeling crawled into the pit of my stomach and took up residence.

  I knew what I was leaving behind, but what was I floating toward?

  Four

  I rushed back to my cabin, hoping to leave the bad feeling out on the deck. Maybe the wind would blow it out to sea.

  I sat on my bed and opened a novel about a girl caught in the middle of a deadly love triangle that kept recurring life after life. Jessica interrupted me just as the villain was about to kill the main character again. I did a double take at the disaster her hair had become. Jessica never stepped out of the house with a hair out of place.

  She smiled at me. I hadn’t seen her look that relaxed in months. “Wasn’t that departure great? Ah, I love that feeling of wind in my hair as we speed along the ocean.” She ran a brush through the tangled mess, perfecting her usual style in minutes. “Dinner is at eight. You coming with me? We have an hour to get ready.”

  I got off the bed and stretched. “Why not? What should I wear?”

  She clapped. “Glad you’re coming. A simple dress is fine. I’m going to hop in the shower.”

  I pulled on a sleeveless navy sundress and flat sandals while Jessica showered. When we were ready, we found the massive three-level dining room at the back of the ship. I felt like I was at a rock concert on the verge of getting trampled as we got close to the restaurant entrance. People pushed their way into the gourmet dinner like this was the first time they’d ever eaten food. I’d never seen so many women with silver hair wearing dresses that sparkled. Was that a required outfit once you hit sixty?

  A band of tuxedoed men played jazz music near the entrance. The smell of freshly baked bread and garlic forced a response out of my taste buds, and I had to swallow to prevent myself from drooling. Photographers snapped pictures of the sparkly people like reporters chasing down the breaking news story of the day.